Two girls cast love spells and chase each other through time, space and dimension on a Friday night in their bedroom. Directed by ZFCL, Sextape by Deftones

There’s this rift in time when I think back, these fragmented memories. It feels like I’m thinking someone else’s thoughts, like I’m seeing someone else’s past. I miss the days when we were gallivanting around town after midnight on our bikes, my calves burning as I pumped my pedal to keep in pace with you. I remember the four of us drunk off (terrible) beer, or maybe we were just pretending, goading each other into harmless dares and screeching into the creases of our elbows when we actually did them. I remember having a tear stained face because I couldn’t understand why this was happening to you, or her, or me. I remember being your best friend. I want to blame myself because it’s easiest, I want to blame you because it all hurts, but I’m just confused most days. I can only think about our secret names for the people we hated, for the people we wanted, and being shoulder to shoulder as we walked, glaring at everyone. I love you. I loved all of you. The bad doesn’t matter anymore, in the long run. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done, everything I didn’t do, and everything in-between. I want to ask someone if this is a part of growing up, but I’d feel whiny. You stop being friends, it happens, it’s natural. But when you’re fourteen-fifteen-sixteen and crouched together on a squeaky bed, after scarfing down Chinese food and walking around in the dark, you don’t think see a future without these people, these friends, these sisters. Oh well. Also recommend by Deftones: entire White Pony album, Change (In The House of Fire), and Diamond Eyes.


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